To Ginlush xx

Today is day thirty-three. 

I had a spiritual healing session last night. I have a few things that – let’s say – unsettle me. I’m not going to discuss them here, but I’m sure everyone has similar, just you know, things that you carry around and that you could ultimately do better without. My PT is an all-round absolute legend, not only is he tall, handsome and buff as you like, he’s also a really nice guy, and a spiritual healer. So I went with it. 

I honestly cannot think of a better, deeper night’s sleep than I had last night. My only disappointment was that I left it too late to go to bed, meaning the sleep could have been longer, and my god did I realise that in the morning when I awoke. I could have gone on for hours more. I was lucky really to have the excitement of travelling home to help get me out of bed at 5:20am, else I could very easily have switched off all three alarms (yes I set myself three alarms – not because I’m a nightmare to get up in the morning, just because it’s very important to me not to be late), and gone back to sleep until the following Wednesday. 

Friday at work came and went, I had a few meetings, and I was attempting to coordinate responses from a cross functional team of around 8 people on whether the testing of the upgraded software was acceptable to the business. It’s not my software, it’s my good friend the IT guys software but I endeavoured to coordinate responses primarily so I knew where everyone stood. Had I have left it to our IT guy, he probably would have accepted no feedback as ok to deploy, whereas I was not content with that. Mid-morning he sent out minutes from yesterday’s update meeting, adding a footnote requesting any issues to be highlighted no later than cob Monday (today is Friday). Shortly after lunch (so just a few hours later), he then announced to the Leadership Team that all testing had been completed successfully. #facepalm

Can you see what I’m up against? 

Skip forward 12+ hours and I’m now on my usual AI 161 flight from DEL to LHR, although not in my usual seat. Have you noticed I’m a creature of habit? Its 2:46am (IST – Indian Standard Time), they’re pumping cold air through the cabin – which I like – to try and help us sleep, but because I had my sleeping tablet maybe 45 minutes ago, I’m now starting to judder from time to time, which to me indicates I’m tired, so if it’s all the same with you guys I’ll conclude this chapter in the morning. Mat semi-out, I’ll be back in the morning for the 2^ndhalf x

Hey Team, I’m back. Its 11:05am (origin time), we’ve been in the air 9 hours, 264 miles to go meaning I’m a touch South East of Amsterdam, 8 miles from Eindhoven, with approx. 42 minutes of flight time remaining. Information overload.

So what else happened yesterday that’s worth reporting? We did work, the journey to Delhi was as ever, four and a half hours in duration, along Indian motorways weaving in an out of traffic, lorries, other cars, motorbikes, it’s not the easiest drive, or at least doesn’t appear to be from the comfort of my backseat. He does a good job, and although I’ve expressed my gratitude for him before, he’s likely to get another today, and further appreciate every time the boy does it for me. Respect. He just puts his headphones on, and drives. We stop at his favourite service station, he eats for free because he’s staff. I like that part, but I don’t like the part where he’s not allowed to eat with me. I found that out as soon as I arrived to start the job, first time we stopped on the run from Delhi to Jaipur when we stopped for some food, we both went to the washroom, then off he went into his restaurant leaving me to go to mine.  I wanted to eat with him, not least because I had no fucking clue where I was going or what I was doing, but he was my only contact, mate, associate that I had contact with having been in India for less than three hours. I don’t fully understand the history of the Indian Caste system, but I don’t agree with it. How can people be denied even basic privileges of eating with everyone else just because of the family they were born into. Bonkers, and unfair. 

Announcement has just come over the PA that we’re coming into land. Happy Days. I’m closer to the window this time because the check in desk girl heard my request for my normal seat “2D” as “3B”. Close. Nice. Cock. When circling before to await our landing slot, I’ve seen some excellent views over Greenwich and Canary Wharf, you can see the 02 (Millennium Dome), it’d be nice to have an extra 5 minutes of the same today given I’m nearer to the window than usual. But no joy lol.

Cabin update and that fucking kids crying again. My sleep last night was severely hampered by what must be a 2 year old girl or thereabouts crying and fucking screaming from 3am BST. So that’s what time I awoke this morning. I’m either going to be shattered tonight at this shindig or I’m going to need Class A drugs. The former methinks. I can still hear her despite my Noise Cancelling Headphones and Swedish House Mafia / Knife Party remixes at a reasonable level. Don’t you worry Child… 

Well I’ve written a bit of a langer today, guess that’s what happens with time in your hands on a flight with no WiFi. 

Gratitude 

1. Rohtash, my driver. Top lad, never complains, and I’m glad for him that he gets an extra 5 weeks a year at home with his family when I am at home with mine. Its more than the other drivers get because I have a special clause in my contract allowing me 25 days working from home (UK home – or in fact anywhere we decide to be, villa in Portugal, cottage in the Lakes, Chateau in the South of France). Good on you Rohtash, see you on the 30^th, the eve of my 6 weeks clean, and nearly half way through the challenge. Fuck that’s only a week at home away. Check me the fuck out. 
2. My family, so happy and grateful for my family, my wife who has got up early today too so she can come and meet me at LHR. Means we can catch for 90 minutes on the way home before I get through the front door and my kids bundle me like kids used to in the infant and junior school playgrounds lol.
3. I’m grateful that wasn’t my seat that didn’t go up and down on the flight tonight, fuck that. Poor lad next to me. I mean, it went down into a bed so he could sleep which I guess is the main thing but as there were no controls he couldn’t put his seat into a conformable position to eat meals or to chill. You don’t expect that in Business Class, although I see it a lot with Air India. So much so that I’m surprised it hasn’t been me yet the frequency I fly with them. Guess I’ve that joy coming before too long. 

I’m very much looking forward to, but also very apprehensive of my hilly 10k challenge and assessing my progress. As you’ve read my training recently has been much more PT focused than running focussed, but I’m sure that will have a positive effect on my 10k time also. I’ll do a warm up 5k today maybe, then I might go out and hit the hills Sunday morning before everyone wakes up. I’ll let you know… 

Mat out xx

Today is day thirty-two.

It’s possible in recent years that my dry January extended to the first weekend in February, rather than just February 1^st, so I may have done 32 days in recent years, but we are rapidly approaching uncharted territory with my sobriety. Good news is that it excites me. I want to get to 90, to maybe 120, to maybe even 365.

Last night’s party was fun. There were I think 16 of us, including A2, A (our PA’s) son. He was very timid in the car at first but a bit of interaction on the journey soon coaxed him out of his shell. And made me a friend for life I think, as he wouldn’t leave me alone!

There were maybe 5 of us sober, me for my own reasons, A and another guy N don’t drink anyway, and the remainder were driving. A couple of the guys were telling me they wished I was drinking, so I could let my hair down and have fun. I replied, that I can have fun anyway, I’ll just be a little more reserved, and that’s exactly how it panned out. Another told me he felt a little sad for me that I was on this self-imposed drinking ban, and again I replied that I am totally where I want to be, so they should change their thoughts of sadness to thoughts of happiness for me that I have a) decided to start on this journey and b) come so far, so quickly and made such positive changes to my life that I am adapting to so well. Don’t whatever you do guys feel sad for me, I’m exactly where I want to be right now, and I’m doing what’s right for me. Once I’d told them that, they were very quick to realign, and subsequently congratulate me on my achievement so far in my challenge, and commend me on both my dedication and my discipline. I never used to have many people in the queue to commend me on my dedication and discipline, let alone the dedication and discipline to quitting alcohol!!

I’m posting this retrospectively, since my anonymous friend, follower, and sober-buddy Ginlush has been disappointed about my lack of action. I’m actually day 37 now and I hadn’t even posted Day Thirty-one until just now. Apologies Ginlush. Thirty-One through Thirty-Three are for you right now. xx

Gratitude

1. Only one gratitude item today, but for me its a biggy. Ginlush. She’s going through her own journey at the moment, and she recently gave me a nudge because I’d been a good few days without posting. I had a couple written, just not posted and then my buddy gave me the budge I needed. Thank you Ginlush. I’m very grateful for your support. I’ll try to do better now hun, I promise. I may not post every day now I’m in my sixth week, but I’ll try to post regularly.

Mat out xx

Today is day thirty-one.

It is pretty much the most I have completed in recent years… and I’m on a works “party” tonight (they keep referring to it as a party bless them). Shame really because I am literally fucking knackered. My team are joining me in my car as we drive to the venue straight from work and I’m seriously tempted to ask them to talk quietly such that I am able to get 40 winks en-route. I’ll just blame it on my being older than them. Older, not old.

So I’ve literally just found out that the group’s PA is in my car and she’s bringing her 3-year-old son who attends the daycare here… there goes my opportunity to sleep lol.

Tonight is some drinks and a meal out, usually an eat whatever you want buffet, but the staff at these places are very good and they typically bring food round and serve you. I’m looking forward to the food. However, there is a dancefloor, and Indian blokes have no fucking shame whatsoever when it comes to dancing in front of anyone. Fuck me, they love it… In fact, they only thing they seem to love more than getting their groove on Bangra Styley on the dancefloor is grabbing the expats by the wrist and dragging them up too. They do sooooo love a bit of that. More than the expats love it that’s for sure… will need to be on-guard tonight. Trouble is we’re not a massive team, so they’ll easily notice me trying to slip away, shit I’ll have to pretend I have a broken leg or something, as I’m the only Westerner in the Team of around 15 people.

Help. Please.

I’ve text my PT already and told him I’m gong to miss him tonight, and that is the truth, I’m actually going to miss training with him tonight, I’m loving it. Even his energy sapping HIIT sessions. Good news is I’m training 6-7 with him tomorrow morning, and then I come into work to have Vada Pao for breakfast, which is best described as a veggie burger from Mumbai. De-lish.

Gratitude

1. I’m grateful for life in general. Around everyone all the time, and especially so around me here, there is suffering, pain, poverty, people less fortunate than ourselves. It would be a much better world without all that, so we must all be grateful for what we have, and be happy with it. Its ok to want more, to strive for more, but always be happy with the life you have, as there are always people elsewhere in the world that would give their right arm for the life you lead.
2. I’m grateful the climate is changing here in India a little. We’re approaching the end of June, which means the monsoon season is coming, but the days of upwards of 45 degrees have now mainly passed, and lower temperatures, and less harsh climate is arriving. And that gratitude is not just from me, a middle aged (currently) slightly overweight Westerner who sweats like a Weightwatcher in a cake shop in a mere 25 degrees, it’s for everyone suffering from or exposed to the intense heat Jaipur experiences throughout the summer months of May and June. Just think, there are people who have to work outside in this heat, all day, 6 days a week. Ouch.
3. I’m grateful for the kind hearted, warm and caring nature of our PMO Team. Last night (it’s now Thursday morning) was PMO party night, which was a real laugh, even in my new-found state of sobriety. Although there are some lying, devious fucks here in India (aren’t there everywhere?), in the main the people here are so kind and caring. They want to enjoy life with their friends and colleagues, they want to sing, dance, have fun, and enjoy each other’s company, and they don’t need booze to complete that objective, unlike most of society in the Western World. Just genuinely good people.

So party’s over, I’ll discuss more in Day Thirty-Two, but to satisfy your curiosity, as I’m sure you’re gagging to know, I lost my battle, and yes I ended up dancing. To Bangra music. And there’s a video. And no, I’m not fucking posting it.

Mat out xx

Today is day thirty, and another milestone.

Tomorrow will make one month, another milestone.

And the day after that, will make more than one month, something I rarely do at the end of my dry January is keep going! So Wednesday brings yet another milestone opportunity. When I get home on Saturday morning and my wife picks me up from LHR, it will be the longest I have been clean of alcohol, most probably since we met nearly twenty-six years ago.

Fuck.

–> Parental guidance advised in this next paragraph (and potentially subsequent paragraphs too), there’s an uncensored c-bomb (or three) coming.

I had an excellent meeting at work today, the one I’d been preparing for yesterday. Went so well, but made our IT guy look such a fool. I don’t have a problem with that necessarily, he is a fool, I’m more than happy for him to be exposed as such but fuck does it build my frustration inside that we have this fool holding us back. Holding me back. Our supplier came in with the answers to so many of our problems that we have been debating for months. All of which apparently known to our IT guy, who is part of those discussions, yet who never offers one single fucking solution because he’s a lazy cunt. So now solutions have been proposed, we just need said useless lazy cunt to implement them for us, which of course won’t be too hard once we’ve defined our requirements… right?

Anyway, moving on…

Usual deal for the rest of this post, PT, blah blah, dinner, blah blah, knackered, blah blah, another day alcohol free – yay!

I’ll check in again day thirty-one, but tomorrow I’m going back to reading on my car journey home.

Gratitude

1. First off I’m grateful to the lazy IT cunt’s boss for arranging this meeting that both gave us the answers, and made his subordinate look a prick. Snigger.
2. I’m grateful for BCAAs (or branched chain amino acids) which help my muscles recover from the intense exercise much quicker, resulting in less fatigue, less tenderness, and overall (believe it or not) me moaning less.
3. I’m grateful that day at work is over, and tomorrow is hump day. Then I’m on the ramp down to Blighty.

Blighty…. Ahhhh…. Hope it’s not bloody raining

Mat out xx

Yesterday was day twenty-nine. The start of Week Five.

Work went well, although as it was Monday I needed my headspace after our PMO Meeting. I just wish some of them would calm down and take it in turns to discuss topics, I would engage so much more if that were the case, but I just get to a point where they talk over me or don’t listen when I’m talking and I shut down. Guys, I’m an expat here, I cost the company a lot of money because throughout my career I have acquired the experience that you guys need. That’s why I’m here. However, since you’re all more interested in telling everyone what you think rather than listening to the opinions of others – all others, not just me – I’ll just sit here and let you speak. Clearly that’s what you want me to do, else you would have more respect for me and listen when I’m talking. I’m not fighting you for airspace, we debate as a team. Honestly… prepare for another moan up on that topic in seven days’ time won’t you…

Rest of the day went ok, we had a meeting to prepare for a big IT meeting today. Our IT Team are pretty strong. They have no direct reporting structure into our CTO (meaning they do not report into anyone in our facility here) but what they do have is direct links to a very senior and influential person in the leadership Team. I know this because they made up stories about me and escalated completely unnecessarily to him, just to demonstrate this point about association, and presumably to intimidate me. Fuck that. I’m not changing the way I am I’m afraid people, I’m still going to do the same things, in the same way, so I can deliver on what I’m being paid to do. I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to deliver, to learn, to make money, and make a name for myself. So far so good.

Monday evening, I trained and it was hard. My PT is pushing me – hard – and I love him for it. We’re going to do alright here, my only real worry is how tired I’m feeling as a result of all this exercise. Six to eight weeks he tells me, and I should have fully adapted to my new training regime. Nice. Just the four to six weeks left then. But then that’s holiday time (nearly) which is my target, so let’s bring it on.

Drinking? What’s drinking? Don’t have time for drinking. Midweek drinking is seriously long gone. We have a work event tomorrow and I’m not concerned in the slightest. I do have the Delhi BC Lounge and AI flight Friday night, but I’m not overly bothered about that either, I’ve done it twice this year already, January and late May. I do have a wedding reception Saturday night however, all my pals from old but I’ll just have to take a bit of stick for it – nothing is changing me I’m on a 90 day challenge, and I’m very nearly one third of the way through, and feeling the benefits of being AF.

Gratitude

1. I’m grateful for the strength to get through last night’s session. Mental and physical strength. Some drills that on the face of it look really easy, but once you start you realise they are far from easy…
2. I’m grateful also for my PT pushing me as hard as he does. He’s told me he does that because he knows he can push me that hard, that I can handle it, that I’ll respond. I take that as a compliment, but like I said, I’m glad he pushes me like he does, I’d never work this hard on my own.
3. I’m grateful for the opportunity to discuss the performance and attitude of certain IT colleagues with their superiors today. They won’t like it – the truth often hurts, but I just hope they sit up and take note and don’t try to blag me off.

Meanwhile, its business as usual. Crack on with doing the job, get home and cook / train / eat / sleep / repeat until Friday.

Mat out xx